He is such a slut. More and more my type.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
