so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
My feet surprised me
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
