Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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