My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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