im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
