R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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