Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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