if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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