I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
