my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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