I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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