something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
