Swine flu. Run for my life!
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
ok first of all what the fuck
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
