someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
