genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
