dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
