He told me they were just razor bumps!
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
