She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
