Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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