I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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