i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
