i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
she peed on how many people?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
