areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You left your phone here
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