I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize