I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Floor bacon is actually really good
Randomize
