I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
