Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
