1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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