I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
