no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
