after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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