I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
