i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
