wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
