So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
