singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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