I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I wear drunk well.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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