if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize