Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Randomize
