I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
