my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
