He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
