a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I need a burrito and a hug.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Randomize
