I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
