I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
