I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
