Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
this will be a night to untag.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
