Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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