Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
