The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
