At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize