so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
