don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
