When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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