What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
