Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
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