Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
