how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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