Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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