adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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