my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
