Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
