I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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