And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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