Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
