Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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