I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
