It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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