then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
