Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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