was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
