you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize