i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
