I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
