I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
