I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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