apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
