Im at strip club and am horny
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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