so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
