I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
