brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
