dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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